Today's Track : No Doubt - Running
I'm watching Much More music right now and Shania Twain is singing "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing" and I imagine this song has something to do with emphysema. Now here's an artist that is extremely diverse. Not only can she sing about love but she can also sing about medical conditions. I suspect there's also a reference to the Canadian health system in there. I can tell she's proud to be Canadian. I'm proud to know that she's Canadian. And I'm sure Canadians are proud to know that her and I are Canadians. Yay Canada! Actually Yay Canada! what the original national anthem was titled but the conservatives thought it was a little too gung ho. They didn't want to upstage our shy and modest neighbours to the South.
...
So I bought a PDA off of Spooner yesterday. I'm adding a whole new dimension to my life. It's called organization. I'm going to compartmentalize everything. Yes that's it, compartmentalize! That will be my new motto. If anyone asks me what I'm scribbling on my Palm Tungsten T, I'll tell them I'm "compartmentalizing". That has a much better ring than, "playing electronic scrabble". Also much better than, "getting my ass handed to me by the computer scrabble player".
...
Last weekend I got home late and I forgot my key. I believe it's the 2nd time I've done that in about a month. The first time I had to wake up my mom and she wasn't too pleased. Attempting to avoid that awkward sequence of events again I did the next logical thing. I took the cheese buns Sonia baked for me and started chucking them at my sister's bedroom window. A sheer stroke of genius on my part. Until the buns got caught up on the ledge of her window, with her still snoring away. I had to wake up my mom again. She was a bit peeved again. Next time I'll have to ask Sonia to bake some buns with a little more bounce to them.
...
Clay Aiken looks like an elf. A singing elf. An annoying singing elf.
...
There's something completely erotic about female soccer players hitting balls with their heads and chest. There's something completely not erotic about them kicking balls though. I think that makes the net erotic worth of women's soccer neutral. This is in contrast to women's volleyball, which has a net positive erotic worth. They're in tight shorts, high socks and volleying balls back and forth between each other. It doesn't get much more erotic than that. Women's badminton definitely has a net negative erotic worth. They're smacking the hell out of those shuttlecocks. With a foreign object nonetheless! They smack them so hard that they have to change shuttlecocks several times in a match. It's like, "Hey, we're all done smacking the shit out of this shuttlecock. Who's shuttlecock is next?" Not mine that's for sure.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
Today's Track : Depeche Mode - Somebody
My skin is really dry in the winter time so today I borrowed lotion from the clinical manager. She's a single Japanese lady in her mid to late 30s. I guess you could call her a cougar. Anyhow, my skin is less itchy but now I smell like her. It's like sitting really close to someone who wears cologne or perfume. The smell is overwhelming and I keep looking over my shoulder expecting her to be standing right next to me. It’s a very uneasy feeling when you’re surfing for porn at work.
...
Zoom, zoom, zoom…not. It looks as though I’m going to try and hold off a few more months without a new car. The Chevy Lumina has been resurrected from the dead and my sister who now lives on campus at Ryerson has lent me her little civic hatchback for the time being. So I can continue laying a hurt on my obese student loan. My student loan needs to go on the Atkin’s Diet.
...
I am officially changing my stance on the thong. I was wrong….about the thong…all along. They aren’t uncomfortable and gross as I had initially thought. I haven’t worn a thong but women have told me that they’re not as uncomfortable as they look and I recently found myself aroused by the sight of a thong. This isn’t the first time I’ve been wrong. I recently found out that women do #2 and also pass gas from time to time. It’s been a traumatic week.
...
Starting next month I think I’ll start contributing to RRSP’s. I guess they’re what the US calls the 401K -- essentially an investment for your retirement. I still feel a bit young to be contributing to a retirement plan but apparently I’m starting late compared to some of my friends. I wonder if the previous generation started planning out their retirement as early as this generation. Could it be that this generation is more responsible with their money; more concerned because our pensions will be used up by the previous generation, leaving very little for our own retirement; or is it that we’re just more obsessed with money and material wealth? I think it’s safe to assume it’s a combination of the three but I’m more inclined to think it’s the latter. Which reminds me of one of the best movies of all-time – Fight Club? If you haven’t seen this movie, it’s well worth the time to rent it and watch it. A movie with a very strong anti-capitalism theme.
You are not your job.
You are not how much you have in the bank.
You are not the contents of your wallet.
You are not your fucking Khakis.
You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of
the world.
My skin is really dry in the winter time so today I borrowed lotion from the clinical manager. She's a single Japanese lady in her mid to late 30s. I guess you could call her a cougar. Anyhow, my skin is less itchy but now I smell like her. It's like sitting really close to someone who wears cologne or perfume. The smell is overwhelming and I keep looking over my shoulder expecting her to be standing right next to me. It’s a very uneasy feeling when you’re surfing for porn at work.
...
Zoom, zoom, zoom…not. It looks as though I’m going to try and hold off a few more months without a new car. The Chevy Lumina has been resurrected from the dead and my sister who now lives on campus at Ryerson has lent me her little civic hatchback for the time being. So I can continue laying a hurt on my obese student loan. My student loan needs to go on the Atkin’s Diet.
...
I am officially changing my stance on the thong. I was wrong….about the thong…all along. They aren’t uncomfortable and gross as I had initially thought. I haven’t worn a thong but women have told me that they’re not as uncomfortable as they look and I recently found myself aroused by the sight of a thong. This isn’t the first time I’ve been wrong. I recently found out that women do #2 and also pass gas from time to time. It’s been a traumatic week.
...
Starting next month I think I’ll start contributing to RRSP’s. I guess they’re what the US calls the 401K -- essentially an investment for your retirement. I still feel a bit young to be contributing to a retirement plan but apparently I’m starting late compared to some of my friends. I wonder if the previous generation started planning out their retirement as early as this generation. Could it be that this generation is more responsible with their money; more concerned because our pensions will be used up by the previous generation, leaving very little for our own retirement; or is it that we’re just more obsessed with money and material wealth? I think it’s safe to assume it’s a combination of the three but I’m more inclined to think it’s the latter. Which reminds me of one of the best movies of all-time – Fight Club? If you haven’t seen this movie, it’s well worth the time to rent it and watch it. A movie with a very strong anti-capitalism theme.
You are not your job.
You are not how much you have in the bank.
You are not the contents of your wallet.
You are not your fucking Khakis.
You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of
the world.
Friday, February 13, 2004
Today's Track : The Cranberries - Animal Instinct
So I’m driving around town in a big minivan. Yes, I’ve traded in my Ferrari for a family car. Oh how I’ll miss that Ferrari. Long gone are the days of cruising down Yonge street, slouched low, listening to Ricky Martin.
Of course I didn’t really own a Ferrari. In fact I haven’t owned a car in about 2 years. I don’t have kids nor am I even married. My means of transportation for the past 2 years has been borrowing my dad’s beat up Chevy Lumina. Unfortunately the Lumina is on its last wheel and its days are numbered. I’ve been borrowing my mom’s friend’s minivan for the last few days to get around. And let me tell you how many soccer moms have turned their eye on me and my MILF-mobile. Too bad the encounters have always been at traffic lights or else I’d definitely have gotten some MILF by now (got MILF?).
But I digress. I think this weekend and next weekend I’ll be shopping for a new/used car. My first option is a new Mazda 3. My second option is a used Audi A4. Of course I might end up purchasing a new Dodge Caravan so I can stop by the soccer fields in the summer and pick up some yummy mummies.
Soccer Mom – Hey, nice ride you got there.
Me – Yeah, that baby seats 5 comfortably. Pull out the hide-and-go seat at the back and we’re looking at 7-8 people.
Soccer Mom – You’re just showing off.
Me – Did I mention the 2 sliding doors?
Soccer Mom – Now you’re just being naughty!
Me – That turns you on doesn’t it?
Soccer Mom – If I wasn’t here watching my son’s game I’d ask you to take me for a ride and maybe after that I’d check out your minivan.
Me – Now YOU’RE being naughty!
Soccer Mom – Damn right I am. “Go Jimmy, score one for mommy!”
Me – Is that your son? If he doesn’t score one for mommy, I will.
Ok, so I’m a bit delusional (and slightly perverse) but hopefully I'll have a new ride soon.
So I’m driving around town in a big minivan. Yes, I’ve traded in my Ferrari for a family car. Oh how I’ll miss that Ferrari. Long gone are the days of cruising down Yonge street, slouched low, listening to Ricky Martin.
Of course I didn’t really own a Ferrari. In fact I haven’t owned a car in about 2 years. I don’t have kids nor am I even married. My means of transportation for the past 2 years has been borrowing my dad’s beat up Chevy Lumina. Unfortunately the Lumina is on its last wheel and its days are numbered. I’ve been borrowing my mom’s friend’s minivan for the last few days to get around. And let me tell you how many soccer moms have turned their eye on me and my MILF-mobile. Too bad the encounters have always been at traffic lights or else I’d definitely have gotten some MILF by now (got MILF?).
But I digress. I think this weekend and next weekend I’ll be shopping for a new/used car. My first option is a new Mazda 3. My second option is a used Audi A4. Of course I might end up purchasing a new Dodge Caravan so I can stop by the soccer fields in the summer and pick up some yummy mummies.
Soccer Mom – Hey, nice ride you got there.
Me – Yeah, that baby seats 5 comfortably. Pull out the hide-and-go seat at the back and we’re looking at 7-8 people.
Soccer Mom – You’re just showing off.
Me – Did I mention the 2 sliding doors?
Soccer Mom – Now you’re just being naughty!
Me – That turns you on doesn’t it?
Soccer Mom – If I wasn’t here watching my son’s game I’d ask you to take me for a ride and maybe after that I’d check out your minivan.
Me – Now YOU’RE being naughty!
Soccer Mom – Damn right I am. “Go Jimmy, score one for mommy!”
Me – Is that your son? If he doesn’t score one for mommy, I will.
Ok, so I’m a bit delusional (and slightly perverse) but hopefully I'll have a new ride soon.
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Today's Track : Linkin Park - Numb
Nothing lasts forever. You don’t have to remember if you don’t want to and the less you remember the less you’ll regret. If you continue to look for happiness instead of harping on what could have been and the mistakes you made then you’ll stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Lost time can’t be replaced but there is no real permanence in memories. You can choose to forget.
Nothing lasts forever. You don’t have to remember if you don’t want to and the less you remember the less you’ll regret. If you continue to look for happiness instead of harping on what could have been and the mistakes you made then you’ll stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Lost time can’t be replaced but there is no real permanence in memories. You can choose to forget.
Friday, February 06, 2004
Today's Track : Pearl Jam - Even Flow
Tattered and frayed loose ends…
...
Birthday-palooza is probably the best way to describe the next two months. I believe I’ve counted a total of 10 birthdays for an average of 1.25 birthdays per week. My birthday will be the last of the bunch and by that time people will be as annoyed to celebrate my birthday as I usually am.
I’m still apologizing for last year’s bday spectacle. Sorry Mel for passing out on your boobs. Though in my defense they looked like two soft pillows by that time of the night. Sorry to everyone for cutting the night short by being carried out of the club by the bouncers at 1am. Sorry Sonia for hitting on you while I was drunk (though apparently you were impressed enough with my drunken stance to be beside me today). Sorry to Tom for opening the car door while it was moving to puke. Sorry to the city of Toronto for leaving half-digested, barely chewed, tequila smelling pieces of sashimi on road. Sorry to Tom again for refusing to get out of the car when we got back to my place and sorry you had to carry me up that huge flight of stairs. You’re deceptively strong for a little man.
...
I recently got a 12% raise at work so now I’ve gone from Nike sweatshop wages to squeegee kid wages. Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I’ve got, I’m still Shaky from the block.
...
Sonia and I will be having our first Valentines together next week and as exciting as that sounds. I’m not too thrilled. I think somewhere along the lines people have mistaken romance for capitalism. Initially I tried to book a massage for two and they tried to sell me a special Valentines “package”. This package included a massage, a hotel room, dinner, champagne, chocolate covered strawberries and flowers for the low price of $979.00. So I’ve opted to go with a package of my own. It’s called the cheap/Marxism package. To protest these capitalist hallmark holidays we’ve decided to make dinner and stay in. I wonder if communists celebrate Valentines Day. America if you’re reading this. I’m not really a communist, I have no weapons of mass destruction and you don’t need to bomb my family to get to me. I will surrender peacefully.
Tattered and frayed loose ends…
...
Birthday-palooza is probably the best way to describe the next two months. I believe I’ve counted a total of 10 birthdays for an average of 1.25 birthdays per week. My birthday will be the last of the bunch and by that time people will be as annoyed to celebrate my birthday as I usually am.
I’m still apologizing for last year’s bday spectacle. Sorry Mel for passing out on your boobs. Though in my defense they looked like two soft pillows by that time of the night. Sorry to everyone for cutting the night short by being carried out of the club by the bouncers at 1am. Sorry Sonia for hitting on you while I was drunk (though apparently you were impressed enough with my drunken stance to be beside me today). Sorry to Tom for opening the car door while it was moving to puke. Sorry to the city of Toronto for leaving half-digested, barely chewed, tequila smelling pieces of sashimi on road. Sorry to Tom again for refusing to get out of the car when we got back to my place and sorry you had to carry me up that huge flight of stairs. You’re deceptively strong for a little man.
...
I recently got a 12% raise at work so now I’ve gone from Nike sweatshop wages to squeegee kid wages. Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I’ve got, I’m still Shaky from the block.
...
Sonia and I will be having our first Valentines together next week and as exciting as that sounds. I’m not too thrilled. I think somewhere along the lines people have mistaken romance for capitalism. Initially I tried to book a massage for two and they tried to sell me a special Valentines “package”. This package included a massage, a hotel room, dinner, champagne, chocolate covered strawberries and flowers for the low price of $979.00. So I’ve opted to go with a package of my own. It’s called the cheap/Marxism package. To protest these capitalist hallmark holidays we’ve decided to make dinner and stay in. I wonder if communists celebrate Valentines Day. America if you’re reading this. I’m not really a communist, I have no weapons of mass destruction and you don’t need to bomb my family to get to me. I will surrender peacefully.
Thursday, February 05, 2004
Today's Track : Linkin Park - Numb
I cut my fingernails and toenails extremely short because I hate to see the white part of my nails.
Often I pick at my nails and skin around my fingers until they bleed. I have one band aid on my thumb as we speak.
From time to time I catch myself avoiding cracks and lines on the sidewalk when I go for walks.
I crack my knuckles at least once every 30 minutes.
I shake my knee whenever I sit down.
I always have to fidget with poker chips in my right hand when I play poker.
If I have a pen in my hand I have to twirl it.
I usually can’t stick to one radio station when I’m in the car. I surf from one station to the next in search of a hype song (btw HYPE is back in and I will be using that word more frequently than you’d probably like to hear).
...
At best I’m extremely fidgety and have a very short attention span.
At worst I have a combination of attention deficit disorder as well as obsessive compulsiveness.
I cut my fingernails and toenails extremely short because I hate to see the white part of my nails.
Often I pick at my nails and skin around my fingers until they bleed. I have one band aid on my thumb as we speak.
From time to time I catch myself avoiding cracks and lines on the sidewalk when I go for walks.
I crack my knuckles at least once every 30 minutes.
I shake my knee whenever I sit down.
I always have to fidget with poker chips in my right hand when I play poker.
If I have a pen in my hand I have to twirl it.
I usually can’t stick to one radio station when I’m in the car. I surf from one station to the next in search of a hype song (btw HYPE is back in and I will be using that word more frequently than you’d probably like to hear).
...
At best I’m extremely fidgety and have a very short attention span.
At worst I have a combination of attention deficit disorder as well as obsessive compulsiveness.
Monday, February 02, 2004
Today's Track : Hoobastank - Remember Me
OMG my dog got to smoke weed before I did.
The following conversation was given to me from one of my spies...
akiko chip icecream says: did i tell u that muffin peed on me
Dan says: did i tell you that we told him too
akiko chip icecream says: humprh no u didn't
Dan says: hohohoho
Dan says: i can talk to dogs
Dan says: hohohohoho
akiko chip icecream says: i was mad so i took him with us when me, makoto, and stan went to smoke and got it high
akiko chip icecream says: then i was like, now muffin who's ur daddy now
akiko chip icecream says: (but don't tell khiem)
Dan says: was this at the beach
akiko chip icecream says: yes
Dan says: i was with you guys dodo head
akiko chip icecream says: oh ya hohohoo
Dan says: we blew it into its nose
Dan says: and he walked crooked
akiko chip icecream says: remember how it was acting all weird
akiko chip icecream says: HAHAHAHHAHAHAAA
akiko chip icecream says: and he was getting lazy
Dan says: you have a poor memory..
Dan says: stay off drugs
Dan says: seriously
Dan says: SERIOUSLY
akiko chip icecream says: omigosh YOU HAVE POOR MEMORY
Dan says: i know...
Dan says: but we're not talking about me
akiko chip icecream says: maybe if u didn't force drugs down my throat when i was a teenager, my memory would still be intact!!
Dan says: OMG
Dan says: here we go again...
Dan says: BYE
akiko chip icecream says: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dan says: you are blaming me for your disfunctional social childhood
Dan says: I don't buy it...no sympathy from me...regardless of what part I had in it..
Dan says: GOODBYE!
...
I distinctly remember Muffin coming back from this walk and he immediately plopped his ass down in the sand and just chilled for a good half hour. I also distinctly remember Akiko telling me Muffin was tired from the long walk. Grrrrrrr...damn you Akiko!! You've tainted my dog with your drug-hoovering ways!! If you're reading this, mark my words we will have our revenge. You thought Muffin peeing on your feet was bad? You haven't seen the half -- wait until you see the full miss Akiko. Hell hath no fury like a Muffin's corn! That's what he's going to be eating before he leaves a ripe one on your iBook.
OMG my dog got to smoke weed before I did.
The following conversation was given to me from one of my spies...
akiko chip icecream says: did i tell u that muffin peed on me
Dan says: did i tell you that we told him too
akiko chip icecream says: humprh no u didn't
Dan says: hohohoho
Dan says: i can talk to dogs
Dan says: hohohohoho
akiko chip icecream says: i was mad so i took him with us when me, makoto, and stan went to smoke and got it high
akiko chip icecream says: then i was like, now muffin who's ur daddy now
akiko chip icecream says: (but don't tell khiem)
Dan says: was this at the beach
akiko chip icecream says: yes
Dan says: i was with you guys dodo head
akiko chip icecream says: oh ya hohohoo
Dan says: we blew it into its nose
Dan says: and he walked crooked
akiko chip icecream says: remember how it was acting all weird
akiko chip icecream says: HAHAHAHHAHAHAAA
akiko chip icecream says: and he was getting lazy
Dan says: you have a poor memory..
Dan says: stay off drugs
Dan says: seriously
Dan says: SERIOUSLY
akiko chip icecream says: omigosh YOU HAVE POOR MEMORY
Dan says: i know...
Dan says: but we're not talking about me
akiko chip icecream says: maybe if u didn't force drugs down my throat when i was a teenager, my memory would still be intact!!
Dan says: OMG
Dan says: here we go again...
Dan says: BYE
akiko chip icecream says: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dan says: you are blaming me for your disfunctional social childhood
Dan says: I don't buy it...no sympathy from me...regardless of what part I had in it..
Dan says: GOODBYE!
...
I distinctly remember Muffin coming back from this walk and he immediately plopped his ass down in the sand and just chilled for a good half hour. I also distinctly remember Akiko telling me Muffin was tired from the long walk. Grrrrrrr...damn you Akiko!! You've tainted my dog with your drug-hoovering ways!! If you're reading this, mark my words we will have our revenge. You thought Muffin peeing on your feet was bad? You haven't seen the half -- wait until you see the full miss Akiko. Hell hath no fury like a Muffin's corn! That's what he's going to be eating before he leaves a ripe one on your iBook.
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